September 4th 2009

When Someone Hurts You, part 2

“Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple.”

Job 5:2 (NLT)

Yesterday we looked at the resentment we feel when someone hurts us. The typical response to hurt is to become resentful. Resentment is holding onto a hurt. Rather than letting it go, you remember the hurt by reviewing it over and over in your mind. The root word literally means “to cut again”.

We saw that resentment is unreasonable, unhelpful and unhealthy. Rather than making you feel better, resentment only makes you feel bitter–intensifies the hurt. Every time you review it, the hurt seems to get bigger and it seems more unfair.

So how should we handle a hurt? Here are three helpful responses:

1. REVEAL YOUR HURT – Admit it to someone you trust. And tell God you hurt! Don’t repress it, confess it! If you swallow your anger, your stomach will keep score. I say, “Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.”

2. RELEASE YOUR OFFENDER – Let him or her go. Forgive them – for your own peace of mind. You’ll never stop hurting until you’ve forgiven them. Just remember how much God has forgiven you and trust God to settle the score.

3. REFOCUS YOUR LIFE – As long as you focus on someone you hate – you allow him or her to control you. When you say, “He makes me so mad,” you’re admitting that he controls your emotions.

Don’t resist the resentment, replace it with other thoughts. As it says in Romans 12:19-20 (NCV), “My friends, don’t try to get even. Leave room for God to show his anger. It is written, ‘I am the one who judges people. I will pay them back.’ says the Lord. Do just the opposite. Scripture says, ‘If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.’”


People hurt you Jesus and we see you cried over the hurting world. Help us not to hurt others, and in realizing that resentment is unreasonable, unhelpful and unhealthy, look to your example of forgiveness, mercy and love.


Study by Fraser Murdoch

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